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Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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12:14 pm - May Activities
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May 31, Tuesday:
- Started Lindy Hop lessons at the Fed
May 30, Monday:
- Parents and Sister left
- Played Balgur's Gate II on xbox
May 29, Sunday:
- Ate at the Boat Yard
- Drinks by the pool
- Iron Cactus
May 28, Saturday:
- Barton Creek Mall
- Dinner and Music at Reeds Jazz Super Club
May 27, Friday:
- Parents and Sister came in town
May 21, Saturday:
- Went to Six Flags in San Antonio
- Ate at Solidos or something like that
- Watched Star Wars Epidsode III
- Watched some MST3K
May 20, Friday:
- My company got aquired by another company (which means a nice notebook, polo shirt, and possibly better benefits)
- Played the Beta of Dungeon Siege II
- Bought and Watched Life Aquatic (Finally!)
May 19, Thursday:
- Saw friend sing at Mother Egans
- Swing Dance at the Fed
May 18, Wednesday:
- Ate at Pasados
- Watched Unleashed
May 17, Tuesday:
- Swing Dance lessons at the Fed
- Went to 311 and Fudos
May 15, Sunday:
- Ate on South Congress somewhere
- Salsa Class at Ruta Maya
- Roller Derby
- Roller Derby afterparty at Club Deville
- 80's Dance night at Elysiums == acted a fool, almost started breakdancing
May 13 and 14, Friday and Saturday:
- Computer Nerd night
- Watched bootleg movies
- Ate chinese at this lil place down the street
May 12, Thursday:
- Mexican Martini night at Trudy's - you know what I'm talking about ;)
May 11, Wednesday:
- Tried to rent Life Aquatic, but somehow got the Spongebob Movie instead
May 10, Tuesday:
- Swing Lessons and Dance at the Fed
May 9, Monday:
- Went to Amy's Ice Cream
- Walked around South Congress
- Hung around Ruta Maya and listened to the first song of the band playing
May 8, Sunday:
- Salsa Class at Ruta Maya
May 7, Saturday:
- Road mountain bike at the green belt (pretty hard trail)
- Ate at Shady Grove
- Watched House of Wax (NOT THE ANKLE!!)
May 6, Friday:
- Saw "Eyes, Ears, and Feet" at UT (awesome pop rocks short)
- Watch Rwanda Hotel (crazy that this happened and I never heard about it)
May 5, Thursday:
- Went to the free swing lesson and dance at the Fed
May 4, Wednesday:
- Rented "Taxi" -- not so good
- Hung around the house
May 3, Tuesday:
- Went to Swing Class at the Fed.
- Made a new song playing bass, guitar, and drums
May 2, Sunday:
- Went looking at apartments with a friend
- Saw Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
- Roller Derby
May 1, Saturday:
- Rollerbladed to and through Eore's birthday; played some hacky sack
- Saw "Friend's of Lizzy" play at the Pecan Festivle on 6th
- Went to Lizzy's Party at her house
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| Sunday, May 1st, 2005
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12:37 am - April Activities
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April 29, Friday:
- Rode my bike downtown
- Saw Blaggards again at Fados
- Ate at Kirby Lane
April 27, Wednesday:
- Listen to a blues band at Friends on 6th
- Went to the HomeGrown KROX Show (ska & screamo)
April 26, Tuesday:
- Went to Pasados
April 25, Monday:
- Ate at Outback
- Saw Amytiville Horror (the new one)
April 24, Sunday:
- Rode trails at Walnut Creek Park
- Salsa class at Ruta Maya
- Ate at Pluckers
- Played Drums, Bass, and Guitar
- Watched Enternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
April 23, Saturday:
- Shopped for mountain bikes - Rode trails at Walnut Creek Park
- Got a drink at Headhunters
- Saw Medeski Martin and Wood at Stubs
- Went out dancing
April 22, Friday:
- Went to a movie/beer/wine/pizza party and saw "Bio Zombie" and an Eddie Izzard DVD
April 21, Thursday:
- Rented and watched "Running Man" (my friend has never seen it)
- Bought "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind"
April 20, Wednesday:
- Played guitar
- Went to the metal dollar show at Redrum
- Ate at Magnolia
April 19, Tuesday:
- Paid bills at HEB and picked up some toothpaste -- cool, eh?
- Playland Adult Skate Night - actually skated on quads this time
- Met up with some peeps at Dog and Duck Pub
April 18, Monday:
- Played guitar and chatted online while chilling on my balcony
- Watched "I heart huckabees" - Which was a really awesome movie I might add
April 17, Sunday:
- Did the Salsa lessons at Ruta Maya
- Helped a friend buy a PSP
- Went to a Roller Derby game
- Drove like a mad man in a Lexus SC430 down 2222 around midnight (If you don't know, this is a very expensive convertible, meaning $65,000+, and 2222 is a very windy/curvy road on a mountain, just like a car commercial)
April 16, Saturday:
- Crawfish Boil on Lake Travis (also played frisbee)
- Ate crawfish at a friend’s house
- Went to the Blaggard’s CD release party at Fados
- Ate at Kirby Lane
April 15, Friday:
- Saw an outside play at ACC
- Ate at Katsus Deli
April 14, Thursday:
- Light meal and Margaritas at Pasados
- Saw the keyboardist for George Clinton at the Continental
April 13, Wednesday:
- Ran four miles at Zilker Park.
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| Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
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12:48 am - Just like old times
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Today was just like old times. I played DDR for 4 hours at a dinner party. I went to Wes' house and this guy Erin cooked some crazy pasta. Wes' just got the $99 Red Octane dance pads. So we busted up some DDR on fancy pads, blaring surround, and a 99inch screen. We were messing with the multipliers to get it to 3x's the normal speed. Ahhh, how days like this bring me back. Good times.
We even played a lil bit of Halflife 2 Deathmatch, which was surprisingly fun. Last time I played it, I really didn't like it much. Today however was prety fun.
I will be moving soon. I was supposed to move on the tenth, but it got pushed back till the 27th because they didn't reserve the apartment. Silly bastages. But I am excited to get my own apartment. I would rather get a house, but I want to put like 20 grand down first; so maybe next year sometime.
I saw boogey man last night. That movie was awesome because it made me tense up all my muscles. I don't think you can download this movie and get the same experience. The sounds deffinately make the movie. I have also see Hide and Seek, Elektra, Darkness, and some other ones. I started going see a lot of movies again. I finally got a good bike rack too. I got a hitch installed on my car and bought a bike rack hitch. It is cool because if I take the bike rack off, you can not see the hitch at all, unless you are low to the ground.
Speaking about my car, I have been tossing around the idea of getting a targa top. How awesome would that be?!? Pretty bad ass. I just don't have 2 grand to drop at the moment. I finally got health insurance, dental insurance, direct deposit pay check, and renter's insurance. If you don't have renter's insurance or any house hold insurance, shame. You get like 25,000 coverage for 12 bucks a month. This is really great for stuff getting stolen, or incase your apartment burns down (like my neighbor's).
At work, I have been doing more Network Admin type stuff lately, but I have also finished an instance of an automated software test I have been programming. I learned perl recently. I really like it, becuase now I can automate all kind of crazy stuff on my machine or other machines. Later I am going to look into the Microsoft Script Language so I can automate the servers to do funky stuff. I could do it in perl, but I think I should know MS's way. I could always integrate them together.
By the way, perl is bad ass because it is supported on all machines, and it is free. There is even a free IDE to program in. You can even make a .exe file so perl is not needed on the machine you are running the app. Pretty neat stuff. I am also the Oracle guru at work. Soon, I will take over the world. Muha ha ha!
Later kiddies. Oh check out http://lo9ik.multiply.com for some pics.
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| Thursday, December 30th, 2004
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12:29 pm - Summary of the past few months
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I bought an air purifier yesterday. I have no idea if this is fake or if it is actually doing some good. You know what I mean, right? Like the “cell phone booster,” they continue to sell them only because you can not disprove that it does work. I don’t know, I think it is at least filtering the air. I am not too sure about the ionization functionalities. I bought it because my apartment stinks. I always knew the apartment had a bad smell because of the cats living in my roommate’s room, but I just thought the smell was kitty litter. Once I got back in town from my Christmas vacation, I noticed a much worse smell. It smelled like doggie poop. And so, I bought this $200 fan. I think it is making a difference. I will know for sure the next time my friend Guy comes over. Every time he comes over he freaks out and starts opening windows to air out the room.
What have I been up to in the past five months? I’ll tell you what I can remember. Samantha became my best friend. We went to Port Aransas with Mathew and Jessica (Mathew and Jessica are dating and Jessica and Samantha are like best friends). That was pretty awesome. We rented bikes, rode around town, stayed up playing on the beach until the sun came up. Sam and I didn’t leave till the last minute to come back to Austin.
Samantha and I rode bikes a lot for like a month, or maybe not even that long. I started to experiment with a groove box (or a synth and a drum machine). Everything I have is Korg, except a MIDI controller I use for the synth. One night when I was riding bikes, my crank snapped in half, and I had to pedal around with only one pedal. It was an amazing feat.
Mathew scrambled to get Halo 2 and I bought a copy off of him. Once I started playing Halo 2, I think that is when I quit riding bikes as much. I meet up with Pierre on Xbox Live and we would have Halo online parties. From this point on, I quit caring about going outside; I just wanted to play Halo. Then I got Dead or Alive Ultimate, and I didn’t want to play Halo 2 anymore. Then I got Half Life 2, and all I wanted to play was Counter Strike. By the way, I saw a 2d Counter Strike – how bizarre right? It is at http://www.cs2d.com for anyone that wants to check it out. I eventually played HL2 and it was awesome. I think at this point I started hanging out with this guy Wes from work and Samantha and I broke up.
Only it wasn’t a normal break up. The conversation went something like this: Sam, what is the difference between friends and a boyfriend or girlfriend? I don’t know Johnny, I guess having sex or physical intimacy. Well Sam, we don’t even hold hands, I don’t know, I think I am not attracted to you like that. And so I think we decided to be friends. The whole relationship in general was like we were just friends. The whole relationship was awesome, Samantha is a great girl. I was looking at her myspace profile, and she changed it slightly. It is so strange to read what she has in there, because after dating her for three or four months, everything in there doesn’t sound like who I know her to be. Strange. Side note: When I was visiting Ruston, I was hanging out with Dan and asked him what the difference was between boyfriend and girlfriend as opposed to just a friend. He said, well, it isn’t having sex. It is only having sex with one person.
Ok, back to my story. Bret (my first apartment roommate) got a job in Austin and moved here from San Marcos. So I started to hang out with him. He also got me a job where he works. Currently I haven’t started that job yet, I will start January 3rd. My official title is Junior Quality Engineer. From what I know currently, I will be writing test code and build automated test environments for their software. I hope to get into program design and maybe some program development.
For Christmas, I went to Ruston and then to New Orleans. I saw Al, Peter, Mike, Dan, and Richard. It was awesome to see everyone. I am trying to get Al and Peter to move to Austin. That would be sweet.
Currently, I am in between jobs and have nothing going on. I met this girl Valerie and she works for Midway. She is a person that tries to find bugs in games, and currently she is working on the new Area 51 FPS. She is the only girl I know that owns more consoles than me. I have been hanging out with her the past three days. She is supposed to take me to her work so I can see the new game and all the debugging stuff. It should be pretty bad ass.
Oooo, my friend Mike from New Orleans has announced that he is engaged now. (I don’t know if this is still personal information or if he has told more people, so keep it secret – when he told me, I was his only friend that knew.)
I have been having fun, meeting a lot of new people, staying out of trouble, and of course eating out a whole lot. One of my hobbies now is to eat at different places everyday. Austin is a place where this can actually be achieved.
As far as my five month summary, I know I left out a whole bunch of stuff, but I think I got the major things that went down.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 21st, 2004
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10:49 am - Birthday
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For everyone that doesn't know, today is my birthday. This means I can get away with anything today, right? Samantha cooked me a carot cake and got me a yo-yo freestyle (which if you ever saw astrojax, it pretty much has an astrojax on one side of the yo-yo). Which it is a bad ass gift. So now I can learn to try to master yet another toy. WOOT!
BTW, if you are ever on XBOX live, look me up, my name is Lo9iK.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 16th, 2004
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3:57 am - yawn
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It is so damn late. What was I thinking staying up till 4 A.M.? Oh, yeah. I was chatting with a girl named Samantha, but that is a story I will fill in later. The important news is we will ride bikes on Friday. Other cool news is that Al (from New Orleans) is in San Antonio because of the recent weather conditions. So I am going to try to hang out with him. Peter was going to fly into town today, but all the planes were cancelled. I am prolly going to take off of work to catch up on some sleep and try to hang out with Al.
Later Kiddies
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| Monday, September 6th, 2004
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7:49 pm - Austin's First
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So Blake writes to me today, and he opens the conversation with this joke: A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts." Isn’t that great?!?
I have been living here in Austin now for a month. It is a cool town, but I like to do stuff with people. So I don’t do everything I exactly want to do, unless I just really really want to do something. For the most part, I have been busy doing stuff and meeting people.
I took my roommate out to eat three times; she took me to a club once. When we went to the club, she was meeting a guy named Guy there. Well, some shit was going on between my roommate, Lydia, and some other people so she didn’t really talk to Guy. Guy and I started talking, and then we hung out the rest of the night. Guy and his roommate, Roger, are now my best friends here. Roger is normally up to do anything as long as he isn’t working. So that is cool.
Through myspace.com I met some other people, but only one really stands out so far. Her name is Leah; she actually invites me to things. She is addicted to coffee houses, so she is always trying to get me to go to one. She has taken me to some pretty cool places like Magnolia, Amy’s, and Starseed. Roger and I went to a surprise birthday party for one of Leah’s roommates. That was cool to meet various people.
I got invited to Sixth Street several times right when I first got here by Tim. Tim is a guy I met through Tracey (who I also met from myspace.com). I have a good time when I hang out with them, but lately I haven’t seen Tim. Every once in a while I will call and try to do something, but he is always somewhere else.
My friend Matt from LA Tech is moving to Austin. When he came into town, we went and ate at Trudy’s and he invited Roger and I to the Dueling Piano Bar. That place was pretty cool if you like singing along with oldies. I really like going to 311 though (which is jazz). Tim is a big fan of 311.
I went to the Skatepark of Austin two times. That is a bad ass place, but it is a little too advanced for me. One time I went, I met two kids. We hung out and skated all day long. The next time I went I met this girl named Ann. I call Ann every once in the while, but she never picks up the phone. She invited me to two different things so far. One I couldn’t go to, and then last night I went to “Retro Night” at Elysiums. I met a girl named Jennifer over there, but I did not see Ann. Once Jennifer left, some girl walked up to me and asked if I was alone. I replied that I was and then she said, “Oh, that is a shame,” and then she turned away and walked off. I was like, wow. I think she was trying to get me up and dance, but it didn’t exactly work. Regardless, that is pretty damn funny.
I went to an arcade called Einstein’s. That place was not like I expected at all. There was only like ten arcade machines in there. I was expecting like 30. I am on search for a good place.
I went with one girl named Amy to Austin’s Pizza and Park. That place is pretty neat. We busted up some DDR. Today I found a place called Niko Niko Anime. It was closed, but apparently it is an Anime rental store. I read that there is a free DDR machine in there. So I want to check that out ASAP.
One day I met up with a girl named Karen after work at a Starbucks. She was really cool, but we don’t really talk much. OH, I met one girl off of myspace, and she was awesome. She liked video games, anime, and movies. We hung out one day and played Super Puzzle Fighter for like four hours. But after that day, she quit talking to me. I was left baffled since we had a good time all day long. I just guess I wanted to hang out too much. I dunno. I figure if you say you are friends with someone, then you should be able to call and ask if you want to do things. Oh well.
Don’t let all these names fool you; I have meet or spoke with many people, but I don’t really don’t speak with any of these people. The only people I talk to regularly is Roger, Guy, and Leah. Other people I may here something once every two weeks or so.
One of Dan’s friends on myspace named Rachel; I was trying to meet her since I moved here. I finally met her yesterday. She was really cool, but you can never get a hold of her. We were supposed to play piano and guitar together, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. We went to Kerbey Lane to eat. That place is good.
I went to a capoeira class two times. That was pretty cool. It made me want to try to find a place with breakdancing, like a bar or something. Capoeira is a martial art that breakdancing more than likely stemmed from. I am starting to build my upper body strength by holding myself up without using my legs. I may go back to the capoeira class, but not this week. I was unsatisfied with the class, because it seemed more like a workout rather than teaching people how to do the moves and the purpose of such moves. I met several people over at capoeira too. I will probably go back to the classes next week.
I tried to get a Texas License, but that was a big joke. Once I got through the line at the DMV, the person asked if I had a car, and I said I did. Then he asked if it was registered in Texas. Since it wasn’t, I had to go to another place to register my car. Once I got to this place, I couldn’t register the car because it wasn’t in my name. It was in my mom’s name. So then I faxed my mom some crap so I would be able to register the car in my name; this is when I realized I shouldn’t do this. If I register it in my name, it may mess up all my insurance and taxes on the car. Roger told me to just say I don’t have a car; and honestly I don’t. It is in my mom’s name :P So before I went back to the DMV, I wanted to make sure my vision was cool. I went to three different eye places before I could get an eye exam. I didn’t have time to get my glasses made because I had to go to a client’s house. I go off to the client, and I spend about two hours there. I ask if I could call her some other time, and boy did I feel dumb doing that. She preceded to tell me she was not allowed to do anything, after a few seconds of my face displaying a WTF expression, she mentioned that she was engaged. I said, I don’t care; I just want someone to do stuff with. So then I went to my car, but guess what? Yeah, my car wasn’t there. I walked back to the chick’s room and asked if they tow cars here, or if my car got stolen. She replied, “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you.” Great. I called a co-worker, and he drove me to the bank (because I needed 131 bucks in cash to get my car out) then he drove me to the car lot. The freaking place was way south of Austin. Ridiculous. What a great day that was.
Ashley from Monroe invited me to a Gumbo party last Thursday and a birthday party next week. The gumbo party was pretty cool. I met a few people there. One of her roommates named Courtney actually knew Belinda. They are both from Winnsboro. Small world, eh? After a while, I went to leave and a girl came up to me and said she was un-happy that I didn’t speak with her. I mentioned that she could have always came and spoken with me. She said that she was a girl and it was my duty to be the initiator. Interesting.
As you can see, I have been doing things. I want to do more. I want to meet people that share hobbies with me so I can do stuff. I have been writing a lot of music lately. My roommate has a synthesizer, and I have been recording some of that stuff with my guitar. It is fun.
Work is going pretty well. I am an IT Consultant. This means I drive to a house or business and I offer a solution to a problem. If I can fix the problem I will do it right then and there, if not, I will offer a solution on how to resolve the problem. Woo hoo. It is pretty good money, but I don’t like driving around all the time.
Well, I will talk to you later. Later kiddies!!
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| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
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10:23 pm - I'm outta here
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WOOT! I’m getting the hell out of here finally!!! Not that Ruston was bad, it is just that it is definitely time to move on. I have met many cool people since I have lived here, and almost all of them are now gone. I have met some pretty messed up people to that made my life really interesting. All in all, I have many stories.
So where am I going? I am going off to Austin, TX. Around the time I finished my MCSE training I started looking for a job. I really want to work at a place where I am going to have some benefits and a place where I am going to be paid what I am worth. Austin will have such a job. There is about ten IT jobs a day that get posted in the news paper. That is just insane! A lot of opportunity is there! I was taking my certification tests, but then I started using my money to make trips to Austin. This was my big secret I have been keeping from everyone. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was up to, because I didn’t want any drama or bullshit to get out of hand. Especially toward work relationships. But now I have a job lined up doing some computer work. It looks pretty promising. At least I will be getting health insurance, and I will be making around 32 to 50 bucks an hour. So that is pretty bad ass, right? The draw back is that I will have to pay my own mileage.
My first trip to Austin was so bad ass. Dan and I went down and stayed in some shitty ass hotel. It smelled like ass, so we wanted to go to Wal-Mart to get an air freshner. But where the hell is Wal-Mart? I turned on my laptop, turned on Net Stumbler and found a wireless network to log onto. I parked my car in this law firm’s parking lot and used their Internet. Once I was done, I logged into the router and deleted the log file so it looked like I was never there. All pretty silly, and prolly illegal; but we did find out where a Wal-Mart was. That night went out to Sixth Street. Now, if you have never been to Austin, or know little about Austin, Sixth Street is where most of the music scene is. It reminded me of New Orleans’ Bourbon Street. The streets were blocked off, and there were millions of people walking around, music blaring out of all these bars. Now personally, this place kicks the shit out of New Orleans because it is cleaner, less bums, and more of a music scene. Each bar had a different genre of music, and they are all by each other. Totally bad ass. We stopped in some blues/jazz bar and listened to a set; had a drink. The next day we checked out the capital and some other areas. Nothing much to say for the rest of the trip.
The second time I went down was for two interviews and to take a test for a company. It was really bad rain so we didn’t really do much of anything. I hung out with Val. Val is a cool chick; she is a make up artist. So that was cool to shoot the shit with her. She told us this story about her friend. On Halloween she made up his face and body to make him look like a burn victim (puss and all). While they were at a restaurant, the waitress apologized to the guy for him being burned. He laughed and proceeded to tell her that it was just make up. The waitress did not believe him. He pulled off what appeared to be skin with puss on it off of his arm and licked it. The waitress just turns around and starts puking all over the place!!! –The end.
The last time I went to Austin was to meet my roommate and to look at apartments. We are going to live in the northern area with all the rich snobs or some shit. Apparently some people that live in Austin have this feud going on with the North versus the South. Some people have this as a joke; other people think you are a rich snob if you live in the North. I find it funny because all the apartments are roughly the same price everywhere. If you don’t believe me, go look on apartments.com and see for yourself. So we have a bad ass apartment lined up. I will be moving in two steps. My first step will be this Saturday. I will bring some electronics and clothes. The second step will be a week later; I will bring my furniture and stuff.
I went to this super bad ass skate park when I was there. I can’t wait to be able to go skate there. Before I do that I will have to buy all new hardware, possibly just buy a combo if it is cheaper. There are like 4 parks there. One park is completely inside and has air conditioning. I still haven’t seen this place, so it may just be a rumor. But that is awesome if it is real.
So this is what I have been doing lately. I have been coming home, sending off resumes, reading, the occasional trip to Austin, meeting people that live in Austin, and hanging out with Dan.
I met a bad ass girl from Florida named Kim. She has introduced me to some really awesome music, such as Eastern Youths. Check them out.
I have met a lot of cool people lately, so I’m sorry for not mentioning your names. I will have to say my roommate is pretty cool. Her name is Lydia. Yeah, I’m moving in with a chick. So that should be fun. Ha ha.
Later kiddies.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 11th, 2004
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2:09 am - Funny
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You know what I find funny? I find it funny that you read my stuff everytime I post something, but you don't want me or other people to know that you read it and that is why I am not on your friends' list. That is pretty funny. It is. One word; funny. I am a secret. You love me, it is ok to admit it.
:D
In other news, I'll have a post up in a few days. Ok, maybe a week. But it should explain all my little secrets. OOOOO. Secrets!!!
Later kiddies.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
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11:31 pm - new thought? depressing conversation. Happy ending.
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New thoughts enter my mind slowly. I find it truly amazing how some things change and then again how some things remain completely the same. Everything and everyone really do have a patterns, and in some ways things are predictable. I think those things that are predictable are the things I like about people. The predictability builds trust on whatever you can predict. I have noticed as I sit back and observe, some people are completely awesome. Everyone has problems, but you can see through it; you know who they are. You also know where they are strong too. It is amazing to me that one can not see these things when they are right in front of your face. But there are signs to describe to you who a person is.
I almost think a description of a person is what you can predict about them. I was just skimming through live journal and I found a weird comfort in seeing how the people I know change in some ways, but are always predictable.
I don’t know if I am making any sense to anyone else, but I am trying. Everything seems so clear to me right now but I am having trouble putting it into words. Part of this new spin on my thoughts comes from Spiderman 2 (which was an awesome movie). No matter how hard he tried to be someone else, certain things happen which are out of your control.
One journal I read was about a girl who just got out of a horrible relationship; and it seemed the guy was to blame. I’ve heard this story before. Does that mean, this is who she is, and it is predictable? Sure things can change, but I think this is who she is until something major happens. Not that it is her fault as to what had happened, but it is her perception of the situation; and she perceives many of the situations the same. Therefore this is who she is.
Another girl I read is still the same old person. New shit happens in her life, and she just trucks on through. A rant here and there, but doesn’t take it in enough to stop her. That is just awesome; to keep going when the odds are against you.
I look at myself; I am predictable. The same thing that has happened in the past will happen again or will it? I keep my journal, and when similar situations emerge I call upon my past to see what advice I preached about. The same thing will happen again, but I will handle it different which will create a different outcome. So I am predictable, but the outcome is not predictable. So there you have it, it isn’t that we really change but we just act different and create different outcomes. I don’t know if I agree with this 100% or not.
This message I am trying to explain is deeper, but I just can’t get the words out.
Another example is that I always seem to get into a situation where I feel like I don’t have many friends. Is this true or is it just my perception of the situation? It is just my perception. I can always open my eyes more and then my perception would change. That could make the worst day seem like the best day; and then wouldn’t I have changed as a person? The actions would be different, but I would be the same person. I am just reacting to a different perception.
People also do things out of the blue to try it out. This does not mean the person is really this way, it was just confusion or something like that.
I was thinking about the past today, and there are many things I am not proud of. I was with a friend of mine who stole a bike, and I didn’t exactly encourage him, but I didn’t stop him either. I have stolen items too. I took the pegs off of that bike just to throw them away because I really didn’t want them. I have stolen candy before. I took fake money from my dad’s friend’s arcade machines. And for what?!? Nothing. The man came and asked me if I took them one day, and I told him no. I really wanted to tell him that I did take them, but I was afraid. I didn’t want to get labeled a thief because I did the act. I was thinking about calling him up and telling him that I was the one that took the coins 11 years ago (oh yeah, I stole shit a long time ago). I looked over a test for practice before I took a test one day, and it happened to be the same exact test. When the teacher asked if anyone cheated I kept quiet. Once I realized that I wouldn’t have gotten that “A” if I didn’t look over the test in the first place, I felt guilt. I took a second test and got a high “D”. That is what I deserved on the first test. For the third test I looked over another test knowing that it would more than likely be the same exact test. I have built up a complex about it. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve my degree because I semi-cheated on two tests. The only justification has for everything is that I know I busted my ass in studying, and it just wasn’t good enough. I had sex with a girl that I knew I shouldn’t have, but at the same time everything felt right. I have hurt people’s feelings because I told them what I really thought. I guess I am human and I fuck up. I cheated on a girl once. Granted I was 15, we never really spoke, and it wasn’t a real relationship; but still I did it. I hung out with this girl, and it was actually the first person I really kissed and made out with. The next day I called up my girlfriend and told her everything; she didn’t care. I think another day came and I broke up with her. I am just lucky I learned my lesson when I was young and not in a serious relationship.
I am sure people are reading this and they are thinking, well damn, I’ve done much worst, this boy is a goody goody. I don’t care, I know who I want to be and I believe I am better than all of this, but I am not because I have done these things.
It is a good thing people can learn from their mistakes, but it comes with a cost. I have done things that I can never change. I can call my dad’s friend and tell him what I have done. I can call the school and say I looked over a test before I took it, and had the answers right in front of me. What I have done in the past doesn’t amount to anything except that I have let myself down. I ignore these things, but every once in a while they come back to bite me in the ass.
Oh yeah, so these things I have done are not predictable because it will not happen again. I have learned a lesson. Does that mean I have changed? NO. The reason I have not changed is because that is not who I was. I tried something on and what WAS predictable about me eventually shined through. (I knew I had a reason for saying all this)
I am predictable. I have a conscious that screams at me. I carry guilt. I enjoy being honest. I do not like to be alone. I analyze myself way too much. I look for people I think are like me. I like cats and I will own a cat. I think the perfect girl is out there for me. I enjoy playing music. I enjoy listening to music. I think people sharing hobbies is important. I do not like to be around smoke. I don’t like to be around drunks. I do not like to make the first move on anything sexual, I wait for an invitation. I don’t like to clean, but I do like a clean house. I try to be responsible for my actions. I try to explain to people why I did what I did. I like to skateboard. I think the most important thing in a friendship is hobbies or trust. I like video games. I like movies. I like sci-fi. I like photography. I like film. I like making movies. I think moving back to New Orleans would make me happy because I would have friends that invite me places all the time. I like to talk. I like to be cared about. I like to look at myself as a third person and think I would love to meet a person like me. I try to be a good person and do the right thing. I WILL eliminate whatever is causing stress in my life. I am patient but I can be driven to the line. I do not like to hide things from people and I have a very hard time doing so.
Oh yeah, life for me is at a stand still. Things are getting better, but they aren’t exactly moving forward. I think the future is going to be great, but I can not really see what is going to happen.
I love you all!
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| Sunday, June 20th, 2004
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11:16 pm - Afraid to say too much too soon
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*Cough, Cough* Quiet please, I have an announcement. Are you all ears? Ok, so I haven’t written in a while; what else is new?
I have a lot I would like to say so I would remember stuff that has happened, but I don’t want everyone knowing all my business at this moment anyway. It is nothing major, but I just don’t want word getting around what I have been up to. Most people already know because it is what I devote all my free time to. Soon it will pay off and I can write about it, but by then everyone will already know.
A bunch of cool shit happened, but I can’t talk about that. Sad things happened a while back too; Meghan and I broke up. I would say it was on good terms, we were always friends and now we are still friends. I had to break up with her because of my future, which is the exact thing I don’t want everyone to know at this moment.
That is about it. Pretty boring stuff.
I went to Dan’s LAN party this weekend. I think 6 people were there all at one time. As far as a LAN goes, it sucked. As far as just hanging out in a new place goes, it was awesome. There was plenty of food and Bawls, and other colas. I broke into a video room by scaling up a shower in the women’s bathroom, and then crawling into the ceiling to come into the locked room on the other side of the wall. Once in the other room I played ping pong, played the original Nintendo, and a little Xbox. I also played around on a wheelchair doing wheelies and spinning around. One interesting part of the night is when we were in the gym. On guy started playing the piano while Dan and I hit a volley ball back and forth with bats (over a net). That is really hard to keep going. I don’t know if this is actually cool, or if we just drank that many Bawls. Later on in the night we watched many movies and things.
Josh left Hi-Tech; he went to work for a local bank. I have a feeling that my work environment is going to get pretty shitty. Our boss has started trying to get us to sign contracts, and trying to get us to not be able to work anywhere else. It is all pretty shitty stuff. I think Josh leaving made the store go crazy, and I do not think it will ever calm down. I want to get out of here before it explodes.
All in all, everything is going really well; I’ll keep you updated on everything. The future should be really interesting to read because many things should change. :D
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| Friday, May 21st, 2004
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8:14 am - One of the best days, eh?
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So Thursday was definately not one of the best days ever. I failed my test by ONE POINT, gas went up in price, Meghan can not come to New Orleans, I did not get the package I ordered, Meghan actually got grounded and got her phone, Internet, and some other things taken away from her. It must suck to live at home. I feel for you Meg.
Good news about yesterday: I only worked half a day, I ate lunch with Adam and got potatoe skins, Meghan snuck a phone call to tell me hi, I ate with mom my for supper, and Celeste wrote to my journal.
Today I am going to check my tires, stop at the mall, and then go to Metairie for Mike's graduation.
In my search for a roadster style car, a 350z would be awesome, but it is expensive, not great on gas mileage, and requires premium gas which costs about the same as your soul right about now. I am really leaning towards the Miata because you can get a hardtop roof for it when the weather gets bad (which is awesome). The toyota Spyder is pretty promising, it is a little more expensive but it has awesome gas mileage. What turns me away from the Spyder is that it doesn't come with a hardtop accessory. I also want to go to a dealership and ask them what safety is in place if the car flips. Some cars have roll bars or something. Or should I know if this car flips over I will die? I don't dig that scenario to much.
Hopefully things will get better for Meghan. I miss her, but it is a kind of a weird miss. Sure I would like to hang out with her, talk to her, and see her. But it is a missed feeling like a friend moved away, not a missed feeling like OMG I need to see her. I guess it isn't weird, it just reinforces that my fealings are real and we are friends. That is coolness.
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| Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
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5:44 pm - Could be the best day of the month
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EGAD! A voice comes from this name after so long! This will be a short post because of time restraints. I am sorry I haven’t written in a while, I have been busy. I have been in classes that last 12 hours a day, every day of the week. When I wasn’t in class I was studying or hanging out with Meghan. Oh yeah, we are totally dating now.
I took two tests from the MCSE curriculum. So far I passed the XP one but I failed the Server Environment one twice (which means I can’t re-test for 14 days on that subject). Tomorrow I am taking Network Infrastructure. Hopefully I will pass it. There is eight tests in all I need to pass, so far I only completed one. Sigh. This process may take a long time.
Friday is Mike’s graduation. I took off of work, and I plan to leave Friday morning to go to Metairie. I want Meghan to go, but I don’t think it is going to happen. Maybe things will go my way and everything will work out.
Tomorrow has the opportunity to be one of the best days ever. If everything goes well, I will pass the certification, I will work half a day, I will get the package I ordered for Mike, I will not get sick or get in a wreck, I will see Meghan, Meghan will tell me she can come with me to Metairie, Meghan will spend the night ;P and I will get my laundry done. Of course that leaves a lot of things that can go wrong in the day. At least I know I will only have to work half of the day. Maybe this time I will find the testing center with no problem. The last time I went to test, I got lost in Shreveport. So now I will talk about what I wanted to get Mike.
I wanted to get Mike a movie called Comedy of Horrors. It is a claymation movie about the Three Pigs Fairy Tale. I couldn’t find it anywhere. The places that did sell it were sold out. I was going to sign the inside and say something like, since you are graduating you may have to put away your childhood; this is a tribute to our childhood. I am sure he would have loved it. But no dice. So I bought this other movie called Faust, which should be really weird and artsy. I paid 40 bucks for the damn thing, but I don’t think it will get here on time, so I am more than likely going to have to run to the mall before I head to Metairie. But I have no idea what to get him.
Well, I have a lot to write, and sadly I may never write it down because more and more stuff keeps happening. But maybe I will catch back up with my journal.
Poo. I need to go study. Later kiddies.
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| Saturday, April 24th, 2004
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12:33 pm - relief for now
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Let’s see. I was in a weird relationship for exactly one week. It was a mix between thinking someone was cool and a serious relationship could work, her forwardness, and some physical intimacy. This all left me in a confused state, and I thought I liked her a whole bunch, but in fact all we were was friends. I think excitement overtook me. Something that added to the mix was my loneliness. I wanted someone to hang out with.
I was chatting with Meghan a lot before I went off on my relationship with Samantha, and we continued to chat. I realized that I had a real connection with Meghan. It wasn’t something that “could” happen; it was something that was already there. With Samantha, we both thought something great could happen but there was no foundation. I was really confused for the past two weeks and didn’t know what to do.
I wanted Samantha as a friend, but since we were intimate I didn’t feel that it was right to just let her go (SECOND MISTAKE). Once I doubted the relationship, I should have ended it there. My FIRST MISTAKE was jumping into a relationship too fast. I knew it was a mistake, but it just seemed right. To quote myself, “the relationship was out of my control.” It was an interesting experience, and I have learned a lot through the process. I know I am not a person that is into rushing physical intimacy. Everything should take its place and not be rushed. I guess I just got caught up in everything. I guess it is good to try stuff to see where you really stand? I am fighting for justification, but maybe I was just a goofball and I learned from it. All in the past now, the only thing that can change is how I am in the future. What is important is who I am now, not what had happened to make me who I am.
So how did I realize everything was wrong and see the pathway out of confusion? I just started reading the conversations between me and people. I also read my journal. I think my journal was the biggest influence of my decisions. I will paste what I read that made me realize what a fool I was. After realizing I made silly decisions, it was reinforced by the chats. The whole time Meghan was awesome. And Meghan was in a similar situation so she understands what I went through (well, if she doesn't, then she didn't communicate that with me). Anyway, this is what I wrote on February ninth.
“Here are a few things that I have learned from this past relationship. First, do not jump into a relationship if you do not know the person for many, many months. You want to build a friendship first. Sure you may feel like you love a person, or he or she is the best person in the world but deny it. Soon your infatuation will fade off and you will be able to see the person for who they are. You should know pretty much everything about a person before getting into a relationship with him or her. Normally I jump into a relationship and learn about the person then, and then you try to work it out. I believe you should walk into a relationship fully knowing the person so you don’t have to learn something you don’t like about them. Treat a relationship like a marriage (because ultimately you are going to do that anyway). You don’t want to rush into a marriage, so why rush into an intimate relationship? Bottom line, be friends. If you are just friends, you may act different at first but it will fade and no one will get hurt (because you didn’t try to jump to the next level). People always act different when they first meet people (rather friends or more than friends, because people get excited of new things). Second, if you did rush into a relationship, remember that this is your life. If you are stuck trying to achieve a goal (like a perfect relationship), you will have many fights and lots of stress. Of course every relationship is going to have fights, but if you are fighting a lot, why try to make it work? If you were just friends, you would learn about the other person and not try to change them (by offering your opinion). It is best said in a movie I just saw, sure maybe someday you will achieve your goal and be happy, but if you don’t enjoy the ride what is the point? With so many people in the world, you are bound to find someone that you think is awesome and out of your league and they will think the same about you. Third, don’t be so serious. There is absolutely no reason to take a relationship seriously. Again, you are not stuck with a person, you are not married, and there are other people in the world.”
That is another reason why I like Meghan. She agrees with that quote :)
Thursday night is when I realized everything and saw the light. I called up Meghan and we went out to library lounge and then Deja Vu with Tam and Pat. I had a lot of fun. I am under the assumption that drinking doesn’t really affect me at all. I was drinking a few things I can’t remember or I don’t know how to spell.
Meghan and I busted a groove a few times. I felt so white. I didn’t feel the rhythm in the music, and so I didn’t really feel comfortable dancing. Plus, I really don’t know how to dance in a club. All in all, I had fun. I will need to go dancing with Meghan again sometime. I find it interesting I am not going to write about this more, since I did have such a good time. YEY!
Friday Samantha came to eat lunch with me. She was trying to tell me that she just wanted to be friends without hurting my feelings. I just laughed and told her it was all ok because I felt the same way. This completely freaked her out since she was preparing for me to yell and scream and be upset. HA HA HA. People can be funny. We had pretty much the same feelings on what happened in the relationship. She seemed comfortable with everything that happened, and I am still trying to come to terms with myself (about the whole physical intimacy thing). I guess shit just happens sometimes. I also think I just went along with everything since I did like her, and I knew that she has mainly physical relationships rather than real relationships. Anyway, I guess I can’t hold a grudge on myself. Things happen and you learn from them. I am doing a lot better now though.
Two people got fired from work on Friday. It was pretty shitty. I think a lot of people were annoyed with the boss. He even threatened to fire a third person. He is complaining that we do not have any money again. The thing is, we keep putting money into previous months rather than just take a loss and moving forward. So we will never get ahead. There is some rumors floating around that we are actually doing really well at the store, and the boss is just lying to everyone. Maybe so no one will ask for a raise. Who would ask for a raise if we weren’t making any money, you know?
Friday night I went and finally saw Kill Bill 2 with Brendan. YEY!!! Finally. I really liked it.
Today, I have no idea what to do. I wish Meghan was in town, I would try to go hang out with her. I think this little silly relationship I just got out of made a few more things clear to me on what I wanted in general. So that is good stuff. I will see where things will go in the future with everything.
Meghan is cool because she can relate to many different things, and she likes to just be company somewhere. (she is content on coming over and doing her homework just to be around you) And since I am looking for a hangout buddy that will blossom into something better, I think things may have a bright future. I want to do so many things, and have no one to do them with.
Celeste told me to start doing something physical, and that has helped a lot. I started playing hacky sack by myself. I am trying to work on control of the thing. Lately, I have been playing for about two or three hours a day. It has become sort of like a discipline. I am getting better, and can see my improvements each day. Currently I am just working on speed and just keeping the sack in the air. Control is starting to come to me natural, which is just AWESOME.
I want to find a side job or something so I can build money for that motorcycle. By the way, the cycle I want is found here Honda’s 599. So, I need some way to make $8,000.
Blake approached me last night, and he is wanting to start up his own business. This works perfect with my plan, since I wanted to start up some kind of business that I could make some extra cash. I just told him most of my business ideas, which got him excited I think. I do not know if that was such a smart move, because now more people know of my ideas. This means, if something got started I may not be included in my own idea, or maybe more people are included in my idea. Most of my ideas require only two or three people. I want to keep it small, probably just two people. The more people you include, the more work you will have to find, the less money you will receive.
I guess I told him since I need help and I trust him. I didn’t tell him all my ideas, but just a few to see what happens.
Things are continually getting better. I am excited about the future.
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| Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
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11:14 pm
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I’ve been talking to Samantha a whole lot. Nothing much else going on. I guess since I started talking to her I gave up trying so damn hard to hang out with people and it really shows. Meghan keeps inviting me to things every once in a while, Micah invited me to some things last week, and Dave invited me to racquetball; but that is about it. I get home from work and have absolutely nothing to do. In short it sucks.
I get home and pop online, wait for Samantha to get on if she will, otherwise I may talk to her on the phone. The phone sucks though because we are worried about using the cell minutes. When we are online, something is always going on and distracts her. It isn’t her fault to my knowledge, her child calls or she gets into an argument with her ex. I can relate to that, I mean, anytime I talk to my most recent ex, we end up in an argument. When Samantha and I do talk, it is all good though. I suppose that is a good thing not doing things all of the time; I would never have a problem with needing time to myself.
This weekend I am supposed to hang out with Samantha but she may have some plans going on Saturday night. So, if anyone knows of anything going on Saturday you can shoot me a line.
Shit, if anyone has anything to do any day, don’t be afraid to ask. I suppose I should try to set up like five things to do per day again so I won’t get bored.
Apparently Samantha’s weekend just freed up, but what the hell, if you know anything you can still tell me about it.
I guess I am just a little depressed right now. But I may talk about it later, it just swoomed over me just now and I don’t care to write about it.
I want a motorcycle, but I can’t afford one at the moment. I want to see Kill Bill 2, but I haven’t gotten to see it yet; maybe this weekend. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is awesome by the way (I'm watching right now)
::::deep breath::::: Things will get better :)
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| Thursday, April 15th, 2004
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6:44 pm - Bah.
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I think I am starting to get sick :( Not the funnest thing in the world, but I will get by. I guess I will start my ritual so I can avoid getting really sick, so I need to run to the store and buy a lot of fruits. Yes, fruits. I know when I start eating a lot of fruits, I normally don’t get sick, or the sickness will leave me soon. So off to Wal-Mart later.
The whole situation with Samantha is just crazy and mixed up. I wrote her an email yesterday and today to ask a million questions which about 60% of them I really can answer myself, but I learned in the past that assumptions are a killer. The whole experience of everything just going out of control really confuses me, but is also expected. I trust many things about Samantha, but sometimes she says things that just confuse me. I became more aware of lyrics and movies lately. Just certain things jump out and SCREAM to me to listen, and I have been relating to a lot of them. I think it is some kind of sign from my subconscious or something similar.
I was watching this movie called “The Guru” and it is pretty interesting. It started to make me wonder about other people’s love/relationship advice so I started looking around.
A website I went to was http://date.lifetips.com and these are some excerpts listed below. I know most of this just speaks about love. Interesting. Reading through this stuff helped me understand things again, because I was pretty confused for a minute.
Our society has taught us that SEX is the most vital way of expressing our love. However, in his book "Finding the Love of Your Life", Dr Warren suggests that, "When sexual expression is not kept in check, the emotional, cognitive and spiritual aspects of the relationship become slaves to the physical desires". It is important of express love in many ways rather than in just one dimension, SEX.
Harry Stack Sullivan a wise psychologist once said, "Love begins when a person finds another person’s needs to be as important as his own." This statement is as true as they come. True and deep love comes from finding others need to be as important as your own.
Dr. Warren suggests that people who are dating should have a clear picture or mental image of their ideal spouse. He believes this is important so those who are dating know what they really want in a future spouse. Such questions you might want to ask yourself include: 1) How important is attraction to me?; 2) What type of personality do I like; 3) Does intelligence matter to me?; 4) does ambition matter to me?; 5) Does religious beliefs matter to me?; 6) Does character matter to me and if yes how so?
These are a few good questions that dating people should have clearly in their mind before they get too serious. Making this a conscious process can help you choose a better marriage partner.
Love at an early point in a relationship may be a little premature, but the feelings are definitely real. Love is generally something that develops over time. This time is a very exciting time for you. My recommendation to you is take your time and enjoy this process. It is also a good idea to keep your eyes open for any potential areas of concern.
There are a few ways to develop love. One of the best ways is to spend time together in many different situations. It is good to see each other in good and bad times. Questions you might want to ask include: 1) how is this he around his family?; 2) how does he deal with stress?; 3) do our interests match?; 4) Am I able to be me around this person?; 5) Am I feeling any pressure in this relationship? These are a few questions to ask yourself, but I think love can develop quickly as long as you remember to keep your eyes open during the whole dating process.
Infatuation is instant desire. It´s one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows one day at a time.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfections. It is real. It gives you strength, and grows beyond you--to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his/her presence, even when he/she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him near. Be it near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.
Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you will admit it is difficult to be in one another´s company unless you are sure it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she´s away you wonder if he/she´s cheating. Some of you even check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He/she feels that trust and it makes him/her even more trustworthy.
Infatuation might lead you to do things you’ll regret later, but love never will. Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.
Love can be looked at as a triangle. If love is equally divided or portioned out it should include: commitment, intimacy, and passion.
Commitment, the cognitive component of love, is all that some couples seem to have lfet after the intimacy and closeness have been lost and the passion has died down.
Intimacy is the emotional component of love. Some people can bare their souls to each other but have little in the way of commitment or passion. It´s a high-grade friendship.
Passion, the motivational component of love, rules the play in some love triangles. This might be an affair or a fling in which there is little intimacy and even less commitment.
For tips on falling in love, consider what George Bernard Shaw has written , "Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else." Intrinsic to Shaw´s comments is the notion that individuals idealize their romantic partners, seeing virtues in them that may not be apparent to other observers. One of the greatest challenges in dating is taking off the "rose colored glasses" before plunging into a serious relationship. However, once the decision feels good and commitments have been made it is good to have "positive illusions" as Sandra Murray and John Holmes call them. Relationship illusions predict satisfaction in relationships over time according to Murray and Holmes.
Love is not so much a high tension of emotional feeling as it is a set of basic feelings, reactions, confidence, faith, and adjustments. The temporary emotional feelings may be up or down but if the beams, iron supports and foundations are there, construction can go forward, and the building will stand.
When people are asked to describe and rate the central features of love, they listed the following in order of importance (Fehr, 1988).
1) Trust
2) Caring
3) Honesty
4) Friendship
5) Respect
6) Concern for the other’s well-being
7) Loyalty
8) Commitment
9) Acceptance of the other they way he or she is
10) Supportiveness
11) Wanting to be with the other
12) Interest in the other
Pretty good advice or incite, eh? I thought so.
On a different subject, Daniel just sent me this message but I don’t know where he got it from: One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
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| Monday, April 12th, 2004
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6:20 pm
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Haven’t written in a while, so you know I am probably going to right at least 50 pages. Ha ha. Let me think of the past few days…Well, I joined this mp3 site, where you actually pay to download mp3s, but it is dirt cheap. It is actually a penny per megabyte. The reason it is so cheap is because the company is located in Russia, and Russia has cheaper licenses. Apparently the place is legit, and they even pay the artist a percentage. The only problem is that the RIAA doesn’t like them. Thursday I completely freaked out when I found out it was a Russian site, and I paid with a credit card. I then started hearing that paying with credit was a bad idea because of the Russian Mafia, but I don’t understand that whole deal. The RIAA tried to shut them down, but the Russian courts just dismissed the cases in court. If you are interested, the place is called http://club.mp3search.ru Oh, you can also stream any CD they have for free.
Wednesday night Meghan came over and attempted to study. I just watched TV, ate pizza, and later we just talked. It was cool. Thursday night I went and met Lara and her boyfriend and the roommates. They are really nice people, and I am sure I will hang out with them sometime in the future. I tried to get my stuff from Kate, but she was really upset over something so that was a no go. We did talk for a little while, which was nice not to get aggravated. She said she was shocked that I was talking to her nice; I told her it was because she wasn’t saying mean things to me or trying to dig out hurtful answers. She said she was too upset to do so; which leaves me to believe that maybe I can only talk to her when she is really hurt by something. That way she can’t bitch at me :D
Friday I picked up Kevin and brought his drums over and we played around. We ended up watching Big Money Hustler’s and both fell asleep before the movie ended. That is a funny movie by the way. It is ICP’s movie; I’m not too crazy about the band, but the movie is pretty original.
Saturday Kevin and I played some more music. I received a new bed in the morning. Played a little Mortal Kombat. Recorded myself playing the drums, and then went back and recorded two guitar tracks on top of it. It came out half way decent. Samantha called me up because we were supposed to go to the park. Since Kevin was over, I had to convince her that she would not be intruding if she came over. We sat in the den for about 10 minutes and spoke about non-sense, and then we got ready to go drop off Kevin in Monroe.
Once we got to Kevin’s apartment, he took some computers I had given him and walked up to his apartment door. But there was a catch, the door was locked and he didn’t have a key. His cell phone eventually slipped off of the balcony and crashed onto the parking lot. Samantha got out the car, and tried to throw the phone up to him; but something went wrong and BAMB! It hit the ground again. After another try at the throw, Kevin caught the phone but then it just slipped through his hands and fell to the ground a third time. It was pretty funny. By the way, his phone works fine. Since I was hungry, I suggested we go eat somewhere and then just come back to the apartment later (when someone else will be home).
We headed over to Olive Garden, mainly because I wanted the free bread. But you know what? I didn’t get any bread until after I was full. So we just left the waitor a tip and left. The tip was Kevin writing on the ticket, "pay attention to your customers." He was a horrible host; Kevin didn’t have any drink for like five to ten minutes. I ordered some appetizers and a chicken pizza thing which Kevin and I shared. Samantha just got a raspberry or strawberry drink. The appetizers were awesome, but the pizza was just weak. It was mainly cheese and a stringy piece of chicken.
Back at the apartment, still no one was there. Kevin said someone was on their way, so I left. Since we were already in Monroe and I love movies, I asked Samantha if she wanted to watch a flick. She said ok, but she said she had to be back to Ruston before 10. We went and saw The Whole Ten Yards, which was just such a super awesome movie. I liked The Whole Nine Yards, but this one was a little better. After the movie, we rode back to Ruston.
I thought it was strange that she didn’t say she had to leave, but I invited her into my house none the less. I really don’t know what we did, but I do know talked. Eventually she wanted to call her boyfriend, but she wanted to call from Wal-Mart. We ride over to Wal-Mart and she makes the call, but the boyfriend already left to go to work. So we did what anyone else would do, we walked around Wal-Mart. I bought two movies; Best of the Muppet Show and The Rundown. Once we got back to my place, we put in the Best of the Muppets, but after the first episode we really didn’t watch it anymore. I think we started talking again, and eventually we watched Bum Fights on my laptop. What a horrible show! Anyways, it turned into 3 AM pretty quickly.
So the past few weeks (months) everything has been good well. I am meeting friends and it is all good. I could manage everything, and I lived by my words, “Just have someone as friend even if you like them, and that way you can avoid the bullshit. You will know when you like person and know them before you would date them. You just try to be friends, and if something will happen you won’t be able to control it.” That is the gist of it anyway. So everything is going good. I hung out with Renae, met Alex, hung out with Meghan, and met Samantha. Samantha brought me cookies which was so bad ass, but I didn’t have to think about her, because right when I considered it, she hooked back up with her boyfriend. I was afraid to get close to Meghan because that was Kate’s roommate, and over all, I liked being able to be friends with everyone. I was thinking I can just be friends with someone until I know I want something more. So now back to my point.
On walking Samantha out Saturday, she gets in her car and then she gets back out and walks over to me. I was asked to keep a secret. Anyway, I was flattered and shocked since I didn’t expect anything. All Sunday I was confused, and even Saturday night. I just started to get feelings for Samantha. I know I liked her from when I met her, but I just thought she was going to be a good friend. So now things are just speeding up and going out of control. It is amazing because I want to stay friends like my philosophy states, but it is pretty much out of control. I figure, I should just go with my feelings since she is a rad chick. I asked my friend Celeste what the hell I should do. She is a person that says I broke her heart about 10 years ago. Anyway, she says if I like the girl and I know it, then I should just continue what I am doing, but if I think I do not really like the girl that much, then I should just quit talking to her as to not break her heart. I also asked her, what if these people are friends and I want them as friends, and then she told me then I should just come out and tell people how it is. So that is pretty much this journal entry.
I know right now, I really like Samantha. It is pretty crazy because everything just sort of snuck up on me. I guess like in my saying, this is something that is just out of my control. I know Meg is a sweetheart. And I know she likes to talk to me and I like to talk to her too, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings or anything. But I guess all of this is the exact reason why I said you should just be friends with someone before you date them, that way no one gets hurt. Anyway, I think Meghan may get hurt. Hopefully we are friends and nothing will change, but somehow I think she will get hurt.
Samantha just broke up with her boyfriend, so that is sort of a hairy situation. I know she likes me; but I know she loved the other guy and she was just unhappy. But I think that is ok, because she didn’t break up with someone and then start liking me because she was lonely. I think she genuinely likes me and it just happened at a funky time.
Bah. What a bunch of goofiness. It is crazy to just feel like you really like someone all of the sudden. Time will only tell what will emerge from this mess.
I know in the past, I have broken up with someone and started dating someone else immediately because that person was just better suited for me. That is the point of dating, right? If you really liked someone, you wouldn't consider those types of thoughts. Anyway, talk to you later kiddies.
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| Monday, April 5th, 2004
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1:15 pm - stressed desserts
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While driving through a beautiful scenic route in a beautiful car
A bug smashes against the window; the guts spill onto the body.
What was once a beautiful car is now covered with bug guts.
Rotting away, eating the paint slowly, and making the car ugly.
As true with life. Something so beautiful can be destroyed by something else,
And even cause permanent damage. Slowly and steady, but surely enough
Time will cause the perfect object to be completely different and smothered in crap.
While driving on a beautiful day in a beautiful car
A bug smashes onto the hood of the car, spilling its guts.
Before any damage is done, the car can still be cleaned.
I think it is time for a car wash.
Since I saw some people writing poems, I decideed to give it a try. Back to work now, later kiddies. :P P.S. Get outside, it is awesome!!! To bad I need to work.
If you didn't figure out my title, it is stressed spelled backwards to get desserts. And the poem doesn't necessarily need to be about stress, it is written about many different issues, but I figure stress is a central point.
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| Sunday, April 4th, 2004
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3:52 pm - What is wrong with this picture?
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I am getting sicker and sicker of this place. I can never do anything, unless I want to do it by myself. What happened to the way things used to be; I could ask if someone wanted to do something, they say ok, and we went and did it? These days it is such work. You ask people, and then they say yes, and it never happens. What the fuck happened? I assume it is just the area. Maybe it is because I am trying to make new friends, and these people don’t want to go out of their way to meet me. I’d say that most people that have met me in person don’t blow me off, but that would be a lie.
Earlier in the week I invited several people to go see Hell Boy. I got three definite answers from people. Two said yes, one said no. Friday night roles around and Micah comes over. I knew Micah was going to come. (Micah has been solid) Daniel’s plans changed, and he know longer was going to come. The no remained a no.
The plans changed drastically at the last minute, and a group emerged. Dave, Belinda, Josh, Amanda, Micah, James, Brendan, and I went to go eat at Logan’s and then saw the movie. So that was awesome, and I no longer cared that Daniel’s plans changed because I had other people to hang out with. We all played some MK4 before we left, that was awesome! It reminded me of old times. I want to do that again.
Ok, so what is going to happen on Saturday? I woke up, went to work, and then came home. I wanted to go skate, so I called up Kate to get my skateboard back from her. She just didn’t want to see me, or she wanted to get revenge. She said she would call me back so I could go get my board. I figured I could ride over to Monroe, and then she would call and I could go get my stuff. I also spoke to Brendan, and he was going to go to Black Bayou. I semi invited myself, but he said it was ok. I also spoke to Meghan, and she said she was going to layout and asked if I wanted to lay out too. A plan emerged.
I was going to go to the skate park first, and see if they sold some parts so I could take one of my older boards and make it a board I could use for the half pipe. Then I was going to meet up with Brendan, and go to the Black Bayou. Then I was going to go to Tamara’s and Patrick’s place to hang out for a while, and then go to Cottonport later. I also figured Kate would call me sometime during any one of these places so I could get my crap. But that is not what happened at all.
I first went to Sam Goodies and picked up the newest Offspring CD and Yellowcard. Then I headed out to Monroe. I went to my first stop, but the park was locked. I assume there was some sort of sleep party with a lock-in. Ok, no problem, I will just move to my next plan. I called up Brendan and he was eating. He said he would call me back. OK. I already know where this is going. I go to Tam’s. Hey, look at that, they are laying out. Finally something that actually happened!! So I hung out there for a while (like 5 hours). Sometime when I was there, Brendan called and said that he was no longer going to the Black Bayou. Shit, if it wasn’t for Meghan, I would have driven to Monroe, and then just drove right back home. WEAK! Oh yeah, Kate never called. I got really tired and decided to go home. I drove past Cottonport, but nothing looked like it was going on. I assume it was just too early in the day.
When I was over at Tam’s, she made me some Mac n cheese, and it was sooo good. She also gave me some tea to drink, but her fridge was really cold which froze some of the tea. It was awesome, because it made the tea like a slushy. I also got to play the infamous ATV xbox game. It was pretty cool. It was pretty much a racing game mixed with Tony Hawk’s games. You would pull off tricks to get a boost so you could go faster. I am pretty sure I didn’t win any round. THANK YOU SO MUCH for allowing me to come over, and actually following through.
On the way back to Ruston, I called Samantha. Now she is a person that has followed through, and when she couldn’t follow through she at least told me a day in advanced. AND when she can’t do something, it is a good reason, not like she sold me out. By the way, she is a cool girl. We ate Friday at Old Mexcio for lunch. We will probably do something again in the future when she becomes free. OMG, she brought me cookies at work on Thursday; how bad ass is that!?! No lie, that is pretty stinking cool. If anyone ever wants to get on my good side, you can bring me some cookies. Hee hee. Anyway, Samantha is awesome. She may be so cool, because she is older than the people I have been talking to on a normal basis.
I also called up Ashley. This is a person I have never met in person, but she seems cool enough. I think it is crazy that she never really had a place to call home; she is an army brat or something similar. Always switching homes. Apparently, she is Jud’s best friend or vice versa. I do not think I will ever actually meet her in person, she is just to skatty. I wanted to become friends with Ashley, because she knows a whole lot of people. I am pretty sure she would know a lot of people in the music scene. She seems like she would be rad to hang out with in person, but who knows. She is definitely cool to talk to on the phone.
James came over, and we originally were going to play magic but that changed. We ended up playing sphinx till 3 in the morning. That was really fun. Oh yeah, the time changed people. Don’t forget about it. Add an hour to your clocks. I’ve only played magic one time, and I was 12. I assume we will play some day in the future, and then I can be called a magic nerd. Woot!
So, in the past few weeks, I set up plans to do stuff with people, and only a tenth of those plans actually come through. It has finally taken an affect on me making me re-evaluate what the hell is going on. I am pretty sure, I can invite people to do things but not expect them to do anything. And I should just give up on them when they don’t follow through and not give a good reason. They just go and do other things. I don’t want to just be “something to do” until something better comes along. I want someone to actually want to hang out with me, or if plans change to be included. I don’t really care, it is just that I care today and I am venting. I think maybe I keep inviting people that flake out on me because the people that don’t flake out on me just tell me a no right off the bat; plus I want to meet new people.
I think I am so damned bored all of the time, when something actually does happen I think it is the best things ever. If I go out to eat with someone, I may think that is so great, and I should write it in my journal so I can remember how fun I had. Ok, so maybe I don’t write about such petty things. Pretty pathetic if I do.
Renae vanished again, I haven’t really hung out with her for like three weeks. I wonder what is up with that.
OH SHIT, you know who wrote to me the other day? Pierre!! I haven’t spoken to him in forever, but he wrote me on ICQ the other day. I was so happy. I thought he maybe didn’t like me anymore or something like that, but he assured me that he has just been busy. He actually thought that I didn’t like him for some reason. People are so goofy.
Oh yeah, so since I was all pissed off this morning because I have a hard time finding people to go do stuff with, I am starting to seriously think about moving. I believe it is just this area; people fucking piss me off around here. All the really cool people don’t hang out or they are married or have some serious mental problem. Don’t get me wrong, there are some people that I really really like around here that are irreplaceable, but damn. All my buds in New Orleans are about to graduate, and they are going to start shooting movies and all that crazy jazz. So that would be soo cool to be around, and then I could get back into that scene. People keep telling me that I am selling myself short staying in this area. So, I am going to start looking again.
I also want to play some music. So where are the fucking people that want to jam?!? There is so much talk around here; everyone wants to be in a band, but no one has any talent or they just don’t do anything. I really just want to play with another guitarist so I can have fun, but I wouldn’t mind playing with anyone. I’ve meet a lot of people that play an instrument, but we never play together. I always can play with myself on my 8 track. I was thinking about writing the scores to my music, so if I ever do get someone to play with, I can just give them my sheet music. More than likely they won’t be able to read it though, so many people can’t read music. Shit, I don’t think I can read guitar music that well. But, I can still read music. I just wouldn’t be able to read and play at the same time, I would need some practice.
Things have been getting better. So I hope it will just continue to get better. The main topic of this post isn’t that important either. At least my problems aren’t more serious. Take it easy kiddies.
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| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
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9:48 pm - Just me blabing
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I keep missing out on little cool things going on. Last week there was an orchestra that played, and I didn’t find out about it until my friend mentioned she was going on a date there. Tonight I found out that there was a play somewhere near. How come no one tells me these things?!? I like to go see shit like this people, fill me in on the info.
I went to see my grandfather Friday. I took a half a day off of work, and rode with my parents down to Houma, LA. WOO HOO! We ate at some seafood joint called Big Al’s or something like that. I got soft shell crab. Yum yum. My gramps was freaking out because we wouldn’t let him pay for the bill. Not the most eventful night. Once we got back to his house, he showed me his finger. Yeah, his finger was in the freezer. Well, at least the tip of his finger which included his finger nail. Talk about gross.
Apparently he was closing a big door and once this big door was closed, he noticed his finger was missing. It was on the floor. He did what anyone would do; throw it on ice, rush to the hospital, and ask to sew it back on. This was impossible, so the doctor just fixed up his finger and gave his nugget of finger back to him. (If anyone wants to see, I did take a picture. You never know when someone wants to see a little piece of a finger.) After that demonstration, I went to sleep.
My step dad, Emmett, told me that he wanted to leave for New Orleans for 6 AM, so I got up at 5 AM to take a shower. To my surprise we did not go to New Orleans. Oh no. No, no. We went to a dog hunt, which includes dead birds getting shot out of sling shots and dogs being commanded to retrieve them. I have to admit that it was kind of cool to see the discipline the owners had over their dogs. The event was broken into two events, land and water. Emmett’s dog did awesome on water, but not so hot on land. The dog would not drop the bird where she was supposed to. Summary: No ribbon issued.
There is another dog show, I mean dog hunt, this weekend if anyone is interested. Emmett is trying to get three more ribbons. I forgot why. I guess it will just prove his dog is super bad ass, and then we can sell her pups for two or three grand. I think that is the idea at least.
When we did get into Metairie I immediately called my bud Mike. He rushed over and we started swapping stories to catch up with each other. He is going to try to get into grad. school at UNO for film, but he needs to make a portfolio first. I wish I was down there; I would love to be helping him out. If you readers didn’t know, I really like film. I like to edit it, and semi-direct. I used to shoot little films before college all the time. If anyone ever wants to fart around with video, give me a holler.
My original plan when coming to college was to graduate, and then go to a technical school for film and animation, like Full Sail. But that isn’t going to happen because of the money issue. I also worry about making a career out of a hobby. I want to keep my hobbies fun; hobbies shouldn’t feel like work, they should be something you do because you like to do it.
I ran for the first time today since Thursday. I don’t know if it was pollen in the air, but I just started coughing like crazy for about 30 minutes.
I met some more cool people last night. I am eager to hang out with them to see if they are really cool or not. Speaking of hanging out with people or just meeting them, I got stood up again on Sunday. Can you believe it? Two Sundays in a row, two different people. Maybe I can go for three stand ups this weekend. Bah!
I finally saw Kill Bill. OMG, that movie was sooooooo rockin. It was like an anime without the animation. If you haven’t seen this movie, you have to see it. If you don’t like anime or kung fu, then put on a fake smile and amuse me.
I can’t believe friendster finally took off. You can actually search for people that you don’t know and get results. No kidding. I have been on that goofy service for close to three months and it was just crap. But now I am actually starting to meet people that I didn’t know. So that is pretty cool.
I bought two Xbox games last night; I got Mortal Kombat 4 and Sphinx for 19 bucks. I think it is a pretty good deal. I originally went looking to see the price of a Gamecube, but I got side tracked. I decided I am not going to get a Gamecube until the price drops a little more. By the way, does anyone own F-Zero and a Gamecube? And if you do, can we be friends and you let me play it? I just want to play that game, but I don’t know anyone that has it. If anyone wants to bust up some MK4 or Marvel vrs. Capcom 2, drop me a line.
Joe is supposed to be coming into town this weekend, so that should be pretty cool. I am planning on seeing him ::open calendar and schedule Joe for Saturday::. For the people that don’t know Joe, he has been in Afghanistan and he is just returning. Kevin told me that Junior is going to be playing the same night, so we may all go over to Shreveport to hear the good ole boys in Junior. If anyone else wants to hop on board, just let me know. So that is Saturday.
Friday night, Hell Boy comes out. I want to go see that. Again, if anyone wants to come to that, just let me know. PLEASE, I need friends. **cough, cough** I mean, it would be cool to not go by myself. Well, I know Micah wants to go so far.
I was thinking the other day, where is the ethical line (not legal) between the rights and wrongs of pirating music, movies, or games? Let me break down my situation for you. I will use a game in this example, but the object can really be anything that you would buy. So, you buy a game, go home, and play the game. No problem. Now lets say a friend comes over and plays the same game. If we were talking about legality, I think we are already in the grey areas because I bought the liscence to the game, not Joe Blow. But I don’t care about legality. Ethically a friend playing your game is perfectly fine.
What if you lend the game to your friend? Again, this is perfectly fine. OK, so what if it was a friend of a friend that you lend the game to? A complete stranger? Still, there seems to be no problem lending the game. What if your friend lives far away, and you copy the game to your hard drive and send it to him to play? Isn’t this the same thing as lending the game in person? Sort of, but not really. You can also stretch this to lending the online version to a stranger. We also know that downloading the game to play is wrong, but to lend the game is fine? I don’t know. It is just goofy.
I bring this idea up, because I started thinking about it and it is possible that none of it is wrong. It was just our up bringing. Like it is all psychological. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I thought it was an interesting thought.
I sometimes feel bad for downloading a game and not buying it, but what about the movie rental places? They just pay for a movie and then rent it a million times. I don’t think any of their profit goes back to the movie makers, it is just their profit. If that is true, then why would it be bad for a friend or stranger to buy a product and copy or lend it to someone else? I don’t know. Can anyone make sense of this and see it more clearly than me?
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lo9ik's journal